Host John Berry sheds light on the unique communication style within the military, highlighting its effectiveness in building strong teams and promoting excellence. While not directly applicable to all workplaces, it offers valuable insights on the importance of honest feedback, trust, and respect in driving individual and team growth.
His insights help civilian organizations to not only demand the best but get the best by fostering growth and excellence instead of negativity.
Welcome fellow veterans. From the tip of the spear to in the rear with the gear, I went from active-duty Infantry to reserve-component logistician. I’m your host, CEO, entrepreneur, trial lawyer, and Lieutenant Colonel Retired, John Berry. The military lessons that I learned helped me grow an eight-figure business that has maintained consistent annual double-digit growth, landing on the Inc. 5000 list of fastest growing companies in America every year for the past seven years, and has allowed me to continue to serve America’s heroes.
Veteran Trash Talk. How is it that the most professional organization in the world, the United States military, also has some of the best trash talkers? It’s simple. We tell you the ugly truth to your face, and then we praise you behind your back. This is much different than many civilian organizations where people are nice to your face, but they talk trash behind your back. This is known as gossip. And a culture of gossip is a culture of failure. Here’s how it works. Low performers are self-conscious about their low performance. But instead of seeking improvement, they seek attention. They seek attention by dragging more successful team members through the mud. These cowards never have the courage to say it to someone’s face. Their most dangerous acts of subversion are not in the false story stories they spread, but in spreading the disease of gossip. The gossipers desperately want influence, and when they can’t get there through leadership, they convince the team members that they have inside information.
Everybody loves a good story. The great gossipers become influential. Now, this is much different than the harmless trolls on the internet, the trolls who trash talk you on social media but have no reach inside your organization. Gossipers, on the other hand, have relationships with your team members. They love to prey on the new team members, and the art of gossip spreads throughout your organization and destroys relationships. So how do leaders stop the disease of gossip from spreading? I don’t know. But here’s what I do know. As a new lieutenant, I had a squad leader who would always rip one of his Buck Sergeant team leaders, always talking trash to him in front of others, and even when no one was around, he thought no one was listening. The squad leader seemed critical of every aspect of this Buck Sergeant’s professional life and personal life; it was as if the Buck Sergeant could do nothing right. Yet every time I asked the squad leader about the Buck Sergeant, the squad leader talked about this leader being infallible. The squad leader wrote NCOARs about his Buck Sergeant that were glowing with high praise and lists of achievement.
One day, I asked my squad leader, Why are you always talking s*** to your team leader, but behind his back, you act like he’s the best leader you’ve ever seen? My squad leader responded, Sir, he is the best leader I’ve ever seen, and I don’t it to get to his head. And I said, But you’re beating him down. He respects you. And the squad leader said, And I respect him, and that’s why I will accept nothing less than excellence from him. The squad leader went on to tell me, Look, I’m nice to a lot of people. I’m nice to all the incompetent ones because I can’t make them great. And behind their backs after work, you bet I talk trash about them. I just never talk trash behind the backs of the great ones. I say it to their face. Confused, I said, So you berate your best NCOs publicly and you praise them behind their backs? Exactly. I came to learn that we all insult each other in the military in one way or another. We push each other. We heckle each other. We demand the best. And when we don’t get it, we’re going to rib you.
We’re going to make fun of you. We’re going to push you. And that inspires not only camaraderie, but inspires us to do better, because the last thing we want to do is let our team down. And if we let them down, they will let us know. Now, when an outsider talks trash about one of our leaders behind their backs, we defend them. And when we go home on leave, we brag about our great NCOs and officers. And when we’re in front of the chain of command, we brag about those NCOs officers and soldiers, and we trust them with everything. I thought back to the genesis of this, and I remember my first encounter with a drill sergeant when I was a cadet at Fort Knox, Kentucky. The drill sergeant never said any kind words to us during training, not until their job was done. Then they told us that they were proud of us, and that meant a lot. They weren’t just trying to be nice. When they said we had what it takes to become officers, they meant it. The United States military is the most professional organization in the world because we are honest with each other.
We push each other to become better, and we accept nothing less than excellence. And when someone says something that others would find offensive, we’re professional enough not to take it personally or to understand that this person cares enough to push us so that we can become even better.
After-Action Review. Number one, people that believe in you are always the hardest on you. Number two, be brutally honest to their face, but praise them behind their backs. Number three, professionals never take criticism personally. Three down. People who are always nice to your face may cut you down behind your back. But don’t worry about that. No one who is better than you has time to talk trash about you behind your back. Number two, constructive feedback is the best compliment you can give someone even when it hurts. Number three, you can be honest without being harsh. Although sometimes the humor of trash talking actually brings us closer. There is a line, and professionals know what lines not to cross. And here’s a bonus. If you’re in a civilian organization, don’t do this. Trash talk only works between warriors who have earned each other’s respect.
Thank you for joining us today on Veteran Led, where we pursue our mission of promoting veteran leadership in business, strengthening the veteran community, and getting veterans all of the benefits that they earned. If you know a leader who should be on the Veteran Led podcast, report to our online community by searching @veteranled on your favorite social channels and posting in the comments. We want to hear how your military challenges prepared you to lead your industry or community, and we will let the world know. And of course, hit subscribe and join me next time on Veteran Led.
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